It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have tasted many bathrooms
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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