i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
