the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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