The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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