dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
