it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
