Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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