Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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