i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
