like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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