Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
