Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Vodka?
Forever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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