Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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