I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
