It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
