I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
