He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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