found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
