dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
