i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
