ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
