I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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