3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
