I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
