Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
