Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
