But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
