dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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