Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
