Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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