I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want to fling myself into the sun
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
