so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
