I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
