is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
