Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
