Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
