just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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