I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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