can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
