My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
