I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
