one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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