i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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