Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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