just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
