I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
