are you so shy because you have an std?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
