was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
