so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
