i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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