LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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