John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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