pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
