Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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