We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
