The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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