Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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