So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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