Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize