Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
