You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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