Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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