I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
