I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i have two assholes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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