I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
