you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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