rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
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At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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