and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
