He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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