the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
