Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
