Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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