Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
