I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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