i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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