I cannot find my penis.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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