If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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