My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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