No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
