I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
