lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
