i permit you to call me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
