I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love you. Go after that dick
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course