he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.