all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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