Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.