You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question