we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.