I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.