Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom